A WWF Christmas Carol

by Gabriel, The Fallen Angel
Dedicated to Mr. Charles Dickens, for writing his timeless classic

“Where is that jabroni, Austin?” The Rock shouted as he stepped out of his limoin front of the WWF training center.

Austin appeared beside the Rock. He was panting and beads of sweat dotted his baldforehead. He handed the Rock a cappuccino and a donut.

The Rock took them both, but sniffed the donut. “A jelly donut? You dare to give theRock a jelly donut? The Rock asked for a custard donut!” He tossed the donut atAustin, hitting him between the eyes.

Austin bit his tongue and waited until the Rock turned his back to flash the double fingersalute at him. The Rock whirled back around and Austin hummed to himself.

“You like to hum? Why don’t you hum your ass down to the donut shop and get TheRock a custard donut, jabroni!”

The Rock turned around to retrieve his gym bag from the limo. Austin flashed the fingersto the Rock before walking off to the donut shop.

“Hey Rocko, whaddup?” Shane McMahon greeted the Rock. He was dressed in a Nikewind breaker, fresh from a wrestling workout.

“Rocko? Has the Rock ever given you permission to call him that?”

Shane tried to answer, but the Rock cut him off.

“No, he has not! The Rock says, don’t you ever...and the Rock means EVER callhim Rocko again, candy ass.” The Rock stormed past Shane only to be stopped by JimRoss and Jerry “The King” Lawler.

“Hey, Rock,” JR said.

“Nice sideburns, Rock. I think Elvis rose from the grave to get them back,” TheKing said.

“King, that’s enough. Rock, we’re collecting for the Old Wrestler’sRetirement home. We want to know how much we can put you down for. It is Christmastime.”

“How much? Don’t these people have kids? Social security? Pensions? Let them gettheir own money!” The Rock stomped passed them.

“You’ll be there one day!” King called after him.

“Humbug,” The Rock muttered, “Jabronis of America just won’t leave theRock alone.”

The Rock was busy in the gym pumping iron. He had three 45 pound plates mounted on theweight bar. Austin spotted him, but thought about letting him choke. The Rock’snephew, Crash Holly, approached them.

“Uncle Rock! Austin! Merry Christmas!” He greeted them.

“Same to you, Crash, “ Austin replied.

“Beat it,” The Rock grunted in between repetitions.

“Aw, now. Uncle Rock, don’t be such a grinch. I came over here to invite youover to my place on Christmas Day.”

The Rock put the bar back on the rack and sat up. He raised an eyebrow at his tiny nephew.“The Rock doesn’t need your invitation. He doesn’t do Christmas. It’stime to train not time to give. Now go away!”

Crash shook his head. “I’ll go, but the invitation is still there if you wantit.” Crash walks away.

The Rock retook his position under the bar and began his sets again. He noticed the sourlook on Austin’s face. “I suppose you think I treated him harshly?”

“No, son. He’s your family.” Austin was contemplating sticking the bar withits plates up the Rock’s ‘candy ass.’ He was such an wicked man.

“But I do suppose you want Christmas off?” The Rock grunted as his biceps andtrapezius muscles built up with lactic acid. He tried to ignore the burning, but finallyreplaced the bar back to its rack.

“Yeah. I want to be with my family. It only comes once a year.” Austin replied.

The Rock wiped the sweat off his face with a towel. “Fine. The Rock will allow it,but you better be here the next day with a custard donut not one of those damn jellydeals.”

“Thanks, boss.” Austin thought about whacking the Rock across the head with a 50pound barbell. He was sure everyone in the place would give him an alibi.

The Rock’s limo dropped him off outside his building. The driver waited for a“Merry Christmas,” but never got one as the Rock stomped inside the apartmentbuilding. The Rock pushed the “up” button to the elevator and a face appeared inthe silver plate surrounding it. The Rock stepped back.

“No...,” The Rock said.

The elevator opened and the face disappeared. He rushed inside the elevator and pushed thebutton to his penthouse. The Rock fumbled to get his keys into the door, but not beforethe face returned, only this time it metamophisized into the doorknob. A long noseappeared.

“Triple H...” The Rock sputtered.

“Rock!” The doorknob howled.

The Rock shut his eyes and opened them to see an ordinary doorknob. He hurried inside andlocked the door to his penthouse. He removed his Armani coat and tossed it on the chair.

“The Rock is afraid of no man. Especially, not his jabroni of a tag team partner, buthe has been dead 7 years now. That could not have been him.”

The rattling of chains and a loud thump followed by dragging, caught the Rock’sattention. It grew louder in the direction of the front door.

A hand came through the door and entrance music began to play.

“I know that music...,” The Rock mumbled.

The hand was followed by a body dressed in black leather trunks. The apparition poured abottled water over his long blonde hair.

“Oh, I miss that,” he said.

The music ceased and the only sound was the Rock’s rapid breathing.

“Triple H?”

The spirit nodded and moved towards the Rock. “Yes, it’s me, Rock.”

The Rock noticed Triple H’s chains wrapped around his legs. A 45 pound plate attachedto each. A championship belt was wrapped around his waist, six 45 pound plates hangingfrom it and a chair lodged in his head.

“What’s happened to you?” The Rock asked, startled at the condition of hisfriend.

“I was a bad man, Rock. Very bad. This is my punishment for the bad I did on earth.All the pain I inflicted on the McMahon’s and Austin. It was fun while it lasted, butit’s fun no more. This is what awaits you.”

“No, this isn’t real! You’re just a bit of undigested caviar. Somefermented wine. You were the game...my tag team partner.”

Triple H nodded, the chair nodding with him. “Yes, I was the game, but read mybelt.”

The Rock looked closely at the championship style belt. However, instead of it reading‘World Wrestling Federation Champion’...it read ‘The Game is Over.’

“This can’t be real! Triple H could never end up like this.”

“Aaaaaaah!” Triple H shouted.

“What’s wrong?” The Rock asked.

“My head. If you haven’t noticed, I have a chair sticking out of it...butwrestling is fake.”

The Rock could only stare at the ghastly ghost of his former partner.

“This is your fate, Rock. It is why I’m here. Change your evil ways or sufferthis eternal pain. Go to the window. Look out at the other doomed souls. They all try toascend to heaven, but can’t.”

The Rock went to the window with Triple H and viewed of a plethora of transparentapparitions. He saw one familiar face. She, like Triple H was swathed in chains, butinstead of plates she had bags of silicone hanging from her chains.

“Is that Terry Runnels?”

“Yes, she is a lost soul just like me, except I do not burst forth from my clothes.You will be just like us unless you heed the warnings of the three spirits who will visityou tonight. They will appear in order to save your soul from this eternal fate.”

“Spirits?”

“Yes, spirits. I gotta be going, but before I go, “ he points to the Rock,“That’s you,” and then points to himself, “and this you in theafterlife. Any questions? Good, cause I gotta blast. But take heed, Rock! Change yourways!”

Triple H jumped out the window in moonsaw fashion only to have one of his plates punctureone of Terry Runnels silicone implants. She skittered away from the force of air leavingher chest, but returned only to try and strangle Triple H with one of her chains. Triple Hwhipped her around and pedigreed her in mid-air.

The Rock shut the window and went into his bedroom. He removed his $600 shirt and $1200shoes, placing them neatly in the closet. He changed into a pair of brahma bull underoosand climbed into his king size bed. He pulled the satin sheets up to his chin.

“Spirits. Jabronis. Bah humbug,” he said before shutting his eyes to sleep.

The Rock layed under his satin sheets for what seemed hours. He was unable to sleep asTriple H’s words echoed through his head. He kept trying to convince himself it wasall a hallucination. He had taken one too many chair shots to the head and the effectswere manifesting themselves in the shape of the ghost of his former tag team partner. TheRock didn’t see himself as an evil man. He couldn’t help it if the world wasfull of jabronis. Why should he get pushed around by a jabroni?

The Rock let his thoughts run his mind into weariness. He closed his eyes as the clockstruck one. He was in that tweener state of sleep and consciousness. Suddenly, he wasaware of an odor...it smelled of gin and linament.

“Wake up, sweet stuff, “ a gravelly voice spoke into his ear. It was proceededby a loud belch.

“Mae, what have I told you about that? Now give me that flask!”

The Rock’s eyes flew open. He gawked at two old ladies dressed in white leotards.They were playing tug of war beside him over a silver-plated flask. They each had goldwings and were bathed in white light.

“Who dares to disturb the Rock’s slumber?”

The two women stopped fighting. The one with the red hair spoke first.

“I am Moolah and this is Mae. We are the spirits of Christmas past.”

The Rock cocked the People’s eyebrow. “Past? I think you two are the firstspirits ever. I’ve seen fossils younger than you two.”

“Oh yeah, Sunny.” The one called Mae knocked the Rock on the head with herflask.

The Rock felt light-headed and soon found himself standing somewhere other than hispenthouse. He recognized this place. It was the house where he grew up. He saw his fiveyear old self sitting on his father’s lap watching wrestling on TV.

“Do you remember this place?” Moolah asked Rock.

He nodded. He watched as the seasons changed outside and another Christmas passed. Everyother weekend his father would go away to wrestle.

“Can’t I come with you, papa?” A six year old Rock asked his father.

Rock senior was standing at the front door, duffel bag in hand. He knelt down beside hisson. “Not this time, Rocky. When you’re older. I’ll be back soon.” Hehugged the boy and disappeared out the door.

“He always came back, but I worried one day he wouldn’t and I’d never getto see him wrestle.” The Rock reflected.

The door opened and the Rock took a step back. A burly boy with fuzzy brown hair steppedinside. He was wearing a mask.

Moolah grasped the Rock’s shoulder gently, “Do you remember him?”

“My older brother, Mick.”

Mae hit Rock on the head with her flask and they were in the Rock’s boyhood room.Little Rock was tucked in his bed with his brother sitting beside him. He had a sweat sockon his hand and was talking to it.

“Well, Mr. Socko, have you asked Rocky what he wants for Christmas?” Mr. Sockoshook his knitted head.

“What would you like for Christmas?” Mick said in a high-pitched voice.

Little Rock looked at Socko with his big brown eyes full of tears. “I want papa tocome home.”

Mick hugged little Rock in a touching scene that caused the older Rock to look away.

“You miss your brother, don’t you?” Moolah asked.

“Yes, I do. He was a kind person. A good person.” Rock replied quietly.

Mae belched. “He has a son doesn’t he? Crash is his name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, the jabroni. I’ve eaten bananas taller than him.”

Mae hit Rock again and they were transported to a dingy gym. A ring sat in the middle,decorated with Christmas lights. A Christmas tree sat beneath a speed bag and a feast offood stood beside it. A man wearing a green vest and pants moseyed into the gym. He had ona hat with a red feather sticking out of it. He was followed by a gaggle of scantily cladwomen.

“It’s my old wrestling coach, Godfather!” The Rock cried. For the firsttime, a smile appeared on his face. “He had the greatest Christmas parties. No oneever trained on the holidays while he was around.”

A party ensued and the Rock pointed out others whom he used to call friend.

“There’s my old friends,” he pointed to three guys dressed in sweatervests, “Joey, Pete, and Rodney! I haven’t seen them in years. Last I heard theywere working at the Gap.”

The Rock’s eyes widened when a buxom blond arrived at the party carrying two puppies.She made her way over to the then 18 year old Rock. She smiled as did he.

“Debra,” The older Rock murmured.

“You loved her, but you loved something more, “ Moolah said.

Mae hit the Rock with her flask again, this time he took offense. “Listen old woman,you do that one more time and I’m gonna shine up that flask...”

“Now, now, Rock. Watch this.” Moolah pointed to an empty arena with theexception of two figures standing in the middle of a ring.

“But Rock, you promised me. You promised me we would be married. You promised youwould only love me. You’ve broken all those promises. You love this ring more thanme. I’m leaving you, for good.” Debra stepped to the edge of the ring and waiteda moment.

“Don’t let her go you damned jabroni!” The older Rock yelled.

Debra left when the Rock said nothing.

“Why do you show me these horrible things, spirits? I want to go home,” hebellowed, but pointed at Mae and added, “Don’t do it, dinosaurus!”

The Rock woke up tangled in the sheets of his bed. “Oh, thank God. It was just aterrible nightmare.”

A glow emanated from underneath the door of his room. He jumped out of bed and threw openthe door. The sight before him caused him to gasp. Loud music played as three men dancedlike rejects from the early 80’s and they were surrounded by mounds of junk food. Theone in the middle was plump with a behind that could have been mistaken for a servingtable.

“What is your name?” The Rock barked at the plump man.

The man opened his mouth, but the Rock didn’t let him answer.

“It doesn’t matter what your name is! Just get out of my house!”

The plump man bent over and turned off the boombox.

The Rock stepped back, shielding his eyes, horrified at the sight of the man’s orangerind behind, accentuated by a black thong.

“Geez, jabroni. Did your mother not teach you to cover that thing?”

The plump man laughed. “You are an amusing fellow. Isn’t he boys?”

The blond man laughed like a hyena. His grass blade like hair shaking with each rumble.

The Rock grew angrier. “Quiet down, jabroni or you’ll have an accident involvinga Flowbee.”

The blond quieted, but the other man, draped in gold laughed harder.

The Rock tried to grab him by the neck, but his hand went right through him.

“Now you know our secret, “ the plump one said, “we are the spirits ofChristmas present. We have come to take you on a journey. Dance with us so we maybegin.”

The three spirits began to dance.

“The Rock refuses to take part in that jabroni jig. Send me a postcard, just not oneof your butt. I’m going back to bed.”

The plump man grabbed Rock’s arm and focred him to dance with them. The one with thehat forced a pair of goggles on the Rock’s head. He was about to protest when hefound himself standing in a trailer park.

The spirits danced over to a dilapidated old trailer with a beat up pick up truck parkedoutside. The spirits pulled the Rock inside the trailer much to his horror. He was onlyglad no one could see him inside this ramshackle home.

Four boys were running around the trailer, three long-haired blondes and a black-hairedboy. The black-haired boy was stringing popcorn around a Christmas tree made of green pipecleaners.

“Christian, hurry up with dinner. Pa will be home any minute.” One of theblondes hollered into the kitchen.

“Edge, patience is a virtue. Have faith that dinner will be ready on time.”

“Hurry up, Jeff. We have to finish wrapping these presents before Pa gets home.”They were wrapping up two cases of beer and a tie in newspaper.

“He’s here!” The black-haired boy shouted.

A moment later, the door opened and the Rock’s gopher, Steve Austin, entered. Threeboys rushed at him and hugged him, hollering and smiling the whole time. Christian emergedfrom the kitchen, giving a slight nod to his father.

“What’s with you, son? Too old to give your old man a hug?” Austin said toChristian.

Christian nodded. Austin gave him a double finger salute before tossing his camouflage haton the couch. He noticed the tree which had beer cans as ornaments.

“Matt, did you fix up that tree?”

The black-haired boy nodded.

“You did a fine job, son.” He patted the boy on the back. “Where’syour brother, Tiny Paul?”

“Here I am, Pa!” A voice gasped as the trailer shook. A 7 foot 2 inch 500 poundboy emerged from the back. He was wheeling an oxygen tank behind him.

“How’re you feeling, son?” Austin asked his large boy.

“My chest hurts, but I’m feeling better,” Tiny Paul replied, mustering asmile between gasps. A small line of spittle emerged from his lower lip.

“I didn’t know Austin had a sick child. What is wrong with him?” The Rockasked the plump spirit. The other two continued to dance.

“He has a terrible case of asthma. It causes him to drool and spit because he gaspsfor air.” The spirit answered.

“Why doesn’t he have that boy looked at?”

The spirit raised an eyebrow in Rock fashion. “With the money you pay, Austincan’t even afford an HMO. That oxygen can was stolen from a dentist’s officeonly now and again a little nitrous oxide leaks out and they all sound likeChipmunks.”

“He used to be a big star before his neck injury. Where’d all his moneygo?” The Rock asked.

“Divorce court. The boys mother wanted the money, not them. They aren’t evenAustin’s children by blood. Yet, he still cares for them.” The spirit saidadmiringly.

The Rock rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Enough with the dramatics. Will he live?”

The spirit’s eyes lowered. “I see an empty lazy boy and an unused drool cup.Enough. We have one other place to go.”

The three spirits began to dance and the plump one once again grabbed the Rock’s arm.This time they were dumped inside a studio apartment. Several people were standing aroundchatting. The Rock recognized his nephew, Crash.

“Is your nasty uncle coming?” One of the ladies asked, “He always acts likesuch a big shot. Never has time for people like us.”

A taller version of Crash stepped into the circle. “Hey, I’m the only big shotaround here. I am a super heavy weight...”

“Alleged super heavy weight, Bob,” The woman interrupted.

Bob narrowed his eyes at the woman. “Yeah, Tori. And I suppose you were born withthat chest.”

“I was!” she retorted.

“Yeah, let me call Captain Steubing and ask if any of his life boats are missing. Whydon’t you admit you went to Sweden? Go back to being a man already, Torrance!”

Tori slapped Bob.

“I said I’d never hit a woman, but since you were once a man...” Bob pickedup Tori and slammed her into the floor.

“Hey, hey!” Crash interrupted.

“And he wonders why I never come...” The Rock muttered under his breath.

“This is Christmas. We should all be getting along, not fighting. And my uncle is notnasty. He thinks he’s Elvis and has that twitch with his eyebrow...”

“Don’t forget his fascination with men’s rectums,” Chris Jerichoadded.

“Besides all his problems and his terrible attitude, he is my uncle. My dad loved hima lot. Show him some respect.”

“Like he shows you?” Bob snorted.

“That’s it!” Crash charged at Bob and they fell into the buffet table,fighting and cursing. The Rock, trying to hide the tear in his eye over his nephew’sspeech, shook his head.

“Our time is finished here. We live but this one night and grow old with each passingminute.” The plump spirit said.

“You grow old all right. About a decade old. Why don’t you moonwalk your candyasses outta here!”

The Rock found himself alone in a darkened tunnel. It was lit only by a fire evidentallystarted by the bum sleeping beside it.

“Hey, the Rock was only kidding! Come back! Don’t leave me in this rat infestedsewer!” He shouted.

A death bell began to toll, echoing through the dark night. A blue mist began to billowaround him. A figure wrapped in a black cloak moved out of the fog towards the Rock. Hestood nearly seven feet tall. He pointed at the Rock.

The Rock gulped as he got a look at the spirit’s pale corpse-like face. Dark hairspilled out of his hood. He sneered at the Rock as his eyes rolled back into his head. Hegroaned eerily.

“You must be the jabroni...I mean spirit of Christmas yet to come,” The Rockwhispered, finally intimidated by one of the spirits.

The spirit grabbed the Rock around the neck and squeezed hard. The mist rose around themuntil the Rock couldn’t see the arm attached to the hand around his neck. The mistdissipated and they were in Miami at a Raw is War taping. Several superstars were gatheredaround the dressing rooms talking.

“Can you believe it? Someone finally sent him to the big hotel in the sky.”Prince Albert said, a smirk present on his lips.

“You’re assuming his reservation was for the north. Personally, with the wayhe’s treated me and everyone else, his first class reservation took him south. I hopehe enjoyed a little gouda with his whine.” Al Snow said.

“Are you two going to the funeral?” Test asked.

Prince Albert shook his head. “Not a chance.”

“I’d go for the food,” Viscera added, patting his tummy.

“Not even food will get me there. I’d rather be accused of being a woman beaterthan a friend of his.”

The Rock turned to the spirit. “What wretch of a jabroni could they be speakingof?”

The spirit choked Rock again as the mist engulfed them. This time the Rock heard laughingbefore the mist receded. When it cleared, he realized they were in a cemetary. They stoodbeside a half dug grave with a coffin made of gold lying next to it. A wooden coffinrested beside that. Four grave diggers were present. Two in tye-dyed shirts and glasseswith no lenses, were digging. The other two dressed in black T-shirts and smoking cigars,were standing watch.

“You two Acu-lytes haven’t done your s-s-s-s...” the other man hit thefatter one on the back of the head, “share of anything.”

The taller of the black clad dressed duo laughed. “You lost the bet, boy. You want toplay poker with us, you’ve got to pay the debt.”

“You tell him, Bradshaw. Thou shalt not mess with the Acolytes.” Farooq said. Heand Bradshaw laughed, high-fiving each other.

“We should get this stuff to the pawn shop, “ Bradshaw said, putting his cigarout on Bubba Ray’s head.

“Yeah, tonight’s our poker night.” Farooq added.

“See you boys later. Make sure you dump his ass in the grave before you go.”Bradshaw snickered.

He picked up one end of the gold coffin and Farooq the other. They loaded it into the backof a black Ram 1500 with red leather interior. The Spirit and Rock followed them to theOutlaws Pawn Shop. The Acolytes hauled in the coffin through the back door where Road Doggand Mr. Ass were waiting. Mr. Ass was holding a mirror behind him and admiring his booty.

“Road Dogg, does my butt look too big in these trunks?” He was wearingred-sequined Daisy Duke shorts.

“You know I like your butt the way it is.”

“That’s not what I asked! You do think it looks huge! You always have! You onlystay with me to keep your part of the shop!” Mr. Ass stomped off. The tassels on hiswhite boots swaying with each stomp.

“Aw, Billy! Wait!” Road Dogg called after him. He turned his attention to theAcolytes. “He’s been a little emotional since he found out X-Pac’s feelingsfor me.”

“Yeah, whatever. We want cash, “Bradshaw barked, looming over Road Dogg.

“I can give you five grand for the coffin.”

“Five grand?” Farooq griped. “It’s worth nearly a million!”

“But it’s also stolen and I can’t see the demand being high for it. Whatelse you got?”

Bradshaw opened the coffin to reveal a stack of shirts and shoes. “Armani and Gucci.Plus, a few Rolexes.”

Road Dogg scratched his chin. “I’ll give you twenty for the whole lot.”

“Twenty?” Farooq griped again.

“Yeah, it’s the best I can do.”

“Ooooh, waaaah....you don’t love me!” Mr. Ass shrieked from upstairs andevidentally passed out as a thump was heard.

“Ok, we’ll take it.” Bradshaw answered.

Road Dogg handed them the cash. “You want to stay for a beer?”

Bradshaw and Farooq stared at each other, thinking about Mr. Ass crying and telling themto check out his butt. “No,” they both answered. “We have a card game toget too.”

The spirit led Rock back to the trailer of Steve Austin. The bubbly boys were now solemnand sedated. Each of them sat quietly in the kitchen, casting glances over at the emptylazy boy.

“Where’s Pa? He should’ve been home already.” Jeff asked quietly.

“He probably went passed the cemetery again. He’s been moving slowersince...” Christian couldn’t finish the sentence. The empty lazy boy said itall.

“He’s back,” Matt announced.

Austin came into the trailer, tracking in snow. He kicked off his work boots. The boysdidn’t even move from the table.

“Hey, sons, “ Austin said half-heartedly.

“How was your day, Pa?” Edge asked, offering his father his chair.

Austin waved him off and leaned against the counter. He popped open a can of beer. “Isaw the Rock’s nephew today. He said he was sorry for our loss. He was sure Paul wasin a better place.”

The Rock turned to the spirit. “Tiny Paul died? His loss is mourned, but what of thatother jabroni? Who mourns for his loss? Who was he that no one treats his cold body withrespect?”

The spirit choked the Rock again and they were back at the cemetery, standing over thegrave once again. A light snow covered the tombstone. The spirit pointed to the tombstone.

“You wish me to brush away the snow, spirit?”

The spirit nodded.

The Rock brushed away the snow and gasped. His name was etched in the stone. “Ohjabr...spirit, tell me this isn’t real? Tell me I can change these events? Talk to mespirit!” The Rock yanked on the spirit’s cloak. The spirit picked up the Rockwith one hand and choke slammed him into the grave. The Rock fell down the endless grave,screaming. The spirit finally spoke, “Rest in peace,” and gave a deep laugh.

The Rock woke with a start. He was in his own bed twisted in the sheets. The sun streamedin the window.

“I’m alive! I’m alive!” He jumped out of bed and did the dance of thespirits of Christmas present, moonwalk and all.

He ran into the living room and flung open the door. He ran to the elevator and pushed thebutton. The doors opened and the elevator man stared at him.

“What day is this?” The Rock asked him.

“It’s Christmas, sir.”

“Christmas...the spirits did it all in one night! Those damned wonderful jabronis! Dome a favor, my good man. Run down to the Honey Baked Ham store and get the biggest ham youcan find. Take my credit card and send it to the Steve Austin family. Wait! Let me writeit down!” The Rock ran back inside, forgetting he was dressed in only his underoos.

“Here! Bring my card and receipt back in five minutes and I’ll give you athousand dollars!”

“Yes, sir!” The elevator man disappeared behind the doors.

The Rock hurried and dressed in his best $600 shirt and $1200 shoes. When the elevator manreturned he gave him his tip and rushed off to FAO Schwartz where he bought a bag of toysfor the Austin clan. He mailed off a generous donation to The Old Wrestler’s Home andthen he stopped in at Godiva chocolates before going to see his nephew.

The Rock rapped on Crash’s door. Crash answered.

“Uncle, what are you doing here?”

“May I come in? If you still want me, that is.”

“Yes, of course!” Crash ushered his uncle in.

The Rock flashed a smile and waved to Crash’s guests.

“Crash, I need to apologize for being such a roody poo to you. You’re mybrother’s son and you’re all the family I have.”

“Uncle...what brought about this change?”

“Someone finally layeth’d the smacketh down on your uncle, Crash. I learned mylesson. You’re a good kid and you’ll always be over 400 pounds in my eyes.”

Crash grinned and hugged his uncle. “Thanks, Uncle Rock.”

Later...

The Rock knocked on one more door, Austin’s. Jeff opened the door and the Rock pushedhis way inside.

“Where is your father?” He barked.

Austin came out of the kitchen, holding a piece of ham.

“Rock, what are you doing here? You said I could have the day off.”

“Hmmm....so I did....” he set down the satchel of toys. “Austin, I havesomething to tell you. You’ve gone and done it this time. I have no choice...., butto double your salary!”

“Huh?” Austin replied, confused.

“I’ve not rewarded you for your efforts. You were once a great wrestler and youshould be treated as such. From now on things will change. As for your son, Tiny Paul,we’ll get him the best medical care. He’ll have that spitting and droolingproblem taken care of in no time.”

The boys gathered around Rock and Austin. They chattered happily about the prospect of thefuture.

The Rock tried to hoist Tiny Paul on his shoulders, but Austin stopped him.

“Wait, that’s how I got my career ending neck injury. Let’s do ittogether.”

So, they both hoisted Tiny Paul onto their shoulders and forgot about the low ceiling.Tiny Paul’s head crashed through the ceiling, but then he laughed, drooling on hisfather and the Rock. The Rock’s smile faded. He grunted from the excessive weight andgroaned at the string of drool covering his $600 shirt.

“God bless us, everyone!” He shouted.

What he really said cannot be repeated.

The End

Copyright ©1999-2000 by the Sidhe Corporation. This story may not be reproduced orreprinted without permission. You may contact the Sidhe Corporation at TheBenSid@aol.com.

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